These Awkward Walls Between Us

There are 7 levels where it becomes increasingly difficult to connect or reconnect with someone.

Before the 7 levels, the only difficulty that may be involved in meeting someone is that one person may be shy and not be comfortable meeting new people.

This is all from the viewpoint of the person trying to break the ice and talk to the other person.

1) I have heard a lot about you but you don't know who I am.

2) We have both heard a lot about each other (sometimes you can tell this when you hang around similar friends and the other person's name keeps coming up).

FACEBOOK- gets it's own special and magical level. It is not numbered because it is not real. If you become friends on facebook, I'm sorry to say, it means nothing. *gasp*. More likely than not, if you have not met the person in real life, if you see them in real life and are like "Hey! ..." they will give you a blank stare and then you'll just have to pretend like you're meeting them for the first time... because... you WILL be meeting them for the first time (this has happened to me multiple times, sorry!). More likely than not, those random people friend’ing you probably are just taking their stalking tendencies to a whole new level. Sad, but true. Laugh away stalkers, you know who you are, and I don't, let's keep it that way, unless you think we have a chance at being BFFs forever and eternity. *Then dial 1-900-838-9279-38274-982734.

3) I was in some sort of group activity or club with you but we never formally met (i.e. a play, a musical, camp). In this scenario both of us KNOWS that the other person KNOWS who we are... this is when you can feel those awkwardness walls as an almost tangible force-field. The "Pseudo-Amnesia effect" effect may begin taking place. Refer to my "Pseudo-Amnesia effect" rant in level 4.

4) I actually met you at one point. It doesn't matter who initiated the handshake or who broke the ice. Now we are no longer friends for one reason or another. It's probably due to the fact that we never were really "friends" but more like acquaintances. We more than likely met at some party or you were with one of my friends and they introduced us and you forgot my name the second after we stopped shaking hands. The “Pseudo-Amnesia Effect” now has about a 77.6879% chance of occurring, but realistically it is probably more like 89.7324921%. THE PSEUDO-AMNESIA EFFECT is a very tricky matter as it has only been recently discovered by Dr. Yours-truly-don’t-ask-me-for-proof-of-my-Ph.D.-because-there-is-none M.D.. It is when either you or I pretend that we have never met, when the fact is, we did, and either I know this or you know this, but more likely than not, we BOTH know this. I will assume you have forgotten who I am or you will assume that I have forgotten who you are, but their lingers an air of questioning the encircles the awkwardness force-field like barbed wire. Reestablishing contact can be difficult because I am wondering why you don’t say hello, and you are wondering the same thing as we both walk by each other. Each time this happens, it further solidifies that possibility that the Psuedo-Amnesia Effect will become full-blown amnesia the next time we meet and that you more than likely will forget what your face looks like when you are 87. The Pseudo-Amnesia Effect can be often used in as either an offense or defense strategy against someone trying to reestablish conflict. This is called the “Pseudo-Amnesiac Dodge-Ball Defiance.” THE PSUEDO-AMNESIAC DODGE-BALL DEFIANCE is when you ignore me on purpose when I look at you to say hello. Blank stares are often the first symptom.

5) We were good friends. We aren’t anymore. Why? You tell me. You won’t? Ok.

6) We were in a relationship. We aren’t anymore. It wasn’t a clean break. “How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?”

7) You have a grudge against me. This is a very tricky and unstable level- quite as unstable as you are as you shake your fist at me with your bloodshot eyes attacking me with mental crowbars. It can occur even if you have only heard about me as in level 1 and I may not know you… or we could know about each other… well I do now. This level goes above and beyond all the other levels, because at this level you are actively doing all in your power to loathe me and get everyone else around you to hate me as much as you do. Sometimes things I actually did may got into your long energetic narratives of why my soul doesn’t belong is some place as merciful as Hell. My friends tell me that I should just ignore you. How do I ignore the constant hate-mail? I will save them in a time capsule so that my grandkids will know what comedy was like at the beginning of the 21 century. You may or may not . It’s more than likely that you will be more conscience of my existence and let me know as often as you can that “I know where you live!” and “Yo Momma’s so fat (but there is no humor in the way you say it)” and most often “Who do you think you are, a Super Star? Then have no fear, the camera’s here…”

These 7 levels are very difficult to break, but if you really feel that we could be friends, then by all means, break the ice.



















*For those of you who just called that number, congratz, you have been successfully mind-controlled, how does it feel?