Dead Tomorrow

If I died tomorrow...

Little orphan Annie joyfully sings, “The sun will come out tomorrow” on the television behind me as I sit and stare out at the serene blue sky. There is a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the oak trees and the sun is playfully dodging stray white clouds. It’s moments like these that I feel the most alive, that I could take the whole world in my right hand and just peer at it there in it’s wholeness and somehow grasp it all: the meaning, the purpose, the big picture.

What if Annie never reached her golden tomorrow? What if, she died at the wretched home of Miss Hannigan? Little trickles of thoughts in my head become streams and then rivers leading to oceans of ponderings, mainly this: what if I died tomorrow? In the middle of my weekly plans, my yearly goals, and my lifelong dreams, death slams down its hand in the procession of dominoes stopping me from touching others and being touched.

“The End” rolls by my face as the people come to the funeral. “It’s so tragic because he is so young. He had his whole life ahead of him.” People, for a miniscule moment are thinking about me, perhaps recalling the brighter things that I have done while others contemplate all the grease stains I have left on their lives, wishing I hadn’t been born.

Romeo gets run over by a horse before he ever meets Juliet, Martin Luther King Jr. dies in his youth from cancer before he ever has a dream, and Benjamin Franklin dies from whooping cough at the age of two. Entire worlds are interrupted. Hitler dies before he rises to power.

The flow of time, a mingled web of infinite possibilities, jolts for a moment as an entire tapestry fades away. A face: a friend, a son, a grandson, a generation— the connections are gone. The great largeness of the thought leaves me overwhelmed. I want to do important things. When I stand at the end of the many paths I have taken I want to say: “that meant something… I achieved something… the world may not know who I am but I know the world, and I was able to make a little sparkle in the twilight.”

Every moment counts. No regrets this time. If I died tomorrow, at least I would have had today— I made a point to see the faces amidst the many places; I see them even now.